I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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