I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
