Where did you get a picture of my penis
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
