There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
