I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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