I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
