you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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