TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
