he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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