Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
