I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
