That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
wow bdsm is so cute
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
