Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
