on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
