Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My life is pants optional.
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