youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
