so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
