Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
