Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
