So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
