Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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