Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
