He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
