Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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