Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
