She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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