I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
