You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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