My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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