At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
