Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
