I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
