ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
