You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
