We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
