I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
