did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i think im in europe. pls send help
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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