We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
