it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
