It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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