i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
