Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
