i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
