How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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