No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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