I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
