That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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