I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
