yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
