4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
