This is not my ceiling
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
