I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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