She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
