I just threw up on my dentist
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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