pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
