Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
