Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God, I missed his penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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