What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
and you fell through a lawn chair
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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