he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
