my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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