I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
