I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
