Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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