Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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