He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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