Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
