i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
