whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
