im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The uberlube is also flammable
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
