remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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