I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
