dude i'm inner monologue high
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
