Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
