I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
